My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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