new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
