We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i out mim tonsoeep
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
