Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
