My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
