So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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