I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
