Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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