I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
