so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everyone says I win the strip club
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
