i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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