have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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