What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
