Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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