I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Randomize
