I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
