I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
