We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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