Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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