I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My feet surprised me
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