When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
