I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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