Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
