There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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