You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
