Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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