Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
