we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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