Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
