How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
