In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
