My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
