if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
