if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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