dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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