The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
