After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
