I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
