I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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