I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
