ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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