True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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