It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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