So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
