I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
