I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
