Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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