Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
