I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize