I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
