I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
