Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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