fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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