were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just found a bag of teeth...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
