Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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