would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
