I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
