Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
