At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Still dying that you shit outside
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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