We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
