do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
