1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
did you just send me my own nude
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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