it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
