the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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