I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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