We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
