Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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