Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
